Separations are painful. This is a fact.

Unless you are cold and callous, the loss of a loved one is a numbing experience. In these situations, we tend to retreat into a corner and mope.

That is after the crying is done.

Crying may be the best thing you can do for now. You need time, time to cope with the situation, time to heal if you will. Don’t deny yourself this period of mourning for want of a better word.

You are not a machine, small steps in the right direction are much more important now than trying to force the issue. Any hard-nosed activity at this time may result in more deep-rooted problems that may surface later on in life. Try and heal through the situation, and give yourself a break.

What is the best way to cope?

Well, that depends to a large extent on the type of person you are.

Some immerse themselves in their work, others just stay at home and mope. Then there are those of us that go to extremes. We binge on things that we normally don’t consider as useful. Either food, drink, or in some cases sex with strangers.

These are normally not good remedies for the situation, as they seem to reinforce the feeling of loss of control. As such, they are not a coping mechanism, but a distraction mechanism.

The optimum healing activity would consist of what I like to call “Replacement Therapy”. Replace the loss of a love, with another loveable activity or distraction. Love your body, by going to the gym, eating more healthy food, etc. Love your mind by reading an educational work, or a literary classic. Love your spirit, by learning to meditate, Feng Shui your house, or just spend time sitting at a stream.

I think you get the gist of it. Choosing to empower activities can grow you as a human being, whilst helping you cope with the situation.

They say every dark cloud has a silver lining. You may just discover the silver lining by adopting a mindset as outlined above. 2 years from now, you could look back on this as the best thing that ever happened to you. Give yourself a fighting chance for that to be your experience by following the guidelines above.

And remember, keep on loving, even if it is only yourself at present.

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